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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27213145">but the rain is always gonna come, if you’re standing with me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenonastick/pseuds/heavenonastick'>heavenonastick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ratched (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bad Days, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Past Abuse, Song: peace (Taylor Swift), mildred really just doesn’t want to lose gwendolyn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:15:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27213145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenonastick/pseuds/heavenonastick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mildred knew there would be days like this. Days where nothing was as simple as the day before. Days when the sun wouldn’t greet them as they rose, and the sky would morph a darker shade of blue. Gray, maybe. What she didn’t know, and what she never would’ve expected in a million years, is that she’d have someone there to weather that storm. With her, instead of against her. And she hoped that with every good day that she brought Gwendolyn, it would make up for the worst.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>but the rain is always gonna come, if you’re standing with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>when i tell y’all it has been a LONG time since i’ve written anything. but these two hold such a special place in my heart, and this is the result of listening to “peace” by taylor swift one too many times...enjoy?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was early in the morning when Mildred Ratched figured out what kind of day was ahead of her.</p><p>And it didn’t sit easy, and it brought upon a deep and unsettling feeling inside of her.</p><p>There were mornings when she awoke in Gwendolyn’s arms, the sun beaming down on the two of them, illuminating the deep features on her lover’s face. There were some mornings where she opened her eyes to no sight of Gwen, but rather the sweet smell of brewing coffee, bacon, and everything good in the world—at least, to Mildred. There were even mornings where they each woke up on their own side of the bed, usually during the heat. Not that it ever lasted too long before one of them was inching closer, and burying a nose into the other’s neck. </p><p>This morning was unlike any of those. Quite the opposite. And instead, Mildred rose to the smell of fresh rain, and a gloom, lonesome feeling inside of her that shouldn’t be there when the woman she loved was sleeping inches away from her, her arm stretched out toward her, and her mouth agape. </p><p>To Mildred, it had felt like a reminder. A reminder of all the good things she once had, lost. There were always things that haunted her. Memories, words, actions. And for awhile, they stopped. Due to a certain misty-blue eyed beauty with her witty jokes and kisses that left a taste that lingered on her lips. </p><p>Even in the very beginning, when she wasn’t quite set on the feelings she had for her, there was always something Gwendolyn brought to her. Peace, she had thought once. </p><p>A sense of tranquility, maybe. She had felt it in the very first time they were officially introduced. When Gwendolyn had laughed at a joke that she wasn’t even aware she was telling before she was watching the woman’s face contort in the most perfect of ways, with the most perfect of laughs erupting from deep inside of her. Mildred felt it in the way she had continued to assure her that she was safe each time she dared to question the woman’s plans on their little “adventure.” </p><p>And even at the pub, when Mildred had by all means, fled the building in all dramatics, Gwendolyn was at her side in an instant. Offering her explanation, and apologies with nothing but a deep sincereness. Gwendolyn hadn’t need said much, and maybe that’s what scared her the most. </p><p>Throughout her life it was always, somehow, her own fault whenever her feelings were bruised. It was always demeaning words in a state of defensiveness, and violence. Violence that was only ever brought upon her for Mildred never dared to strike back. Maybe she had learned it was pointless the second time around, or the fourth, or the twelfth. Nonetheless, it had only become pure instinct. </p><p>So when the nicest stranger she had ever met stood there, and made no sudden movements, and spoke words that didn’t demean her, but rather validated her, it completely unsettled her. It frustrated her, and somehow that made it far worse than any argument she ever had. Because in a scenario like that, there wasn’t a thing she was familiar with. There wasn’t a thing she knew she could say, or a thing she knew how to do. Nothing except, well, yell. Scream. Accuse. None in which seemed to faze the woman, for she had made it seem like she could see straight through her and every single one of her insecurities. And for her to then offer her a ride back home, and the generous proposal to forget anything that had happened between them, well, that sent a whole new underlying wave of discomfort throughout her. And so Mildred Ratched did the one and only thing that she knew how to do in a situation like that. She ran. </p><p>She ran away like she ran away from Edmund that one, dreadful night when her world came crashing down. She ran away like she’s ran away from her own self all those years, constantly denying herself anything that sparked even the slightest bit of joy inside of her. For it would never last.</p><p>So now, as she sits on her side of the bed with her feet dangling from the edge, she feels that same impulse. To run. To get as far away from that stupid reminder as possible. But instead, she stays glued to the bed. The warmth that once surrounded her now absent, leaving her chilled and sending shivers down her back. A sudden strike of lightening is what does her in, and then she’s sprinting toward their closest window, slamming it completely shut. She lingers there for a moment, her arms still pressed up against the window screen as she took a couple breaths in...and out. It was a desperate attempt to gather herself. </p><p>She didn’t realize she was holding in her present breath until Gwendolyn spoke, and pulled her away from her thoughts. Only for a moment. </p><p>“Darling?” Gwendolyn frowned, slowly rising from her position on the bed. </p><p>Mildred spun around to face her, and opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she simply couldn’t find the words. Maybe in fear of what she might say, or at the thought of appearing weak in front of the one woman who she wanted, no, needed to be strong for. Especially in times like these. Where each day with Gwendolyn wasn’t something that was so easily promised. </p><p>Mildred dropped her hands back to her sides, and swallowed dryly as the familiar feeling of discomfort rose inside her again. </p><p>Gwendolyn let a moment pass before she tried, again. “Quite the storm out there, huh?” She offered her a small smile, one Mildred usually returned. Not this time. </p><p>She just nodded, and let out the slightest ‘mmm’ in response that she wasn’t even sure reached Gwen. “I’m sorry, I, I didn’t mean to wake you. It was just,” Mildred glanced at the floor. “I was just startled, I guess.”</p><p>“That’s quite alright.” Her lover smiled again, concern evidently coated in her tone. Mildred didn’t like that. “Why don’t you come back over here? Hmm?” Gwendolyn playfully patted the empty spot next to her, signaling for her to return to bed.</p><p>But Mildred made no sign of movement, just stayed completely still as if her feet were planted to the floor below her. Mildred’s arms came to cross in front of her stomach, as they did when she wanted to disappear. When she wanted to lock herself away, and Gwendolyn recognized that instantly, for it had become a pattern. </p><p>“I’m fine right here, Gwen. You don’t have to do that.”</p><p>Gwendolyn frowned, again. “Do what, exactly?”</p><p>“That.” Mildred pressed, and somehow it came out more passive-aggressive than she intended. Every fiber of her was telling her to stop talking, but once she started, there was no stopping. “That pitiful thing you’re doing right now with your eyes, just quit it.”</p><p>And it was Gwendolyn this time, who was at loss for words. </p><p>“Okay.” The blonde barely mustered, more confused than anything. </p><p>Mildred visibility softened at Gwendolyn’s reaction to her words, and that feeling inside her stomach now traveled to her chest. She inhaled deeply, and finally took a step forward closer to where a deeply confused, concerned Gwendolyn sat. </p><p>Gwendolyn watched her closely, not quite sure how to approach this side of Mildred that she had only ever seen one other time. “I wasn’t aware I was doing that, and I’m sorry.” She says, moving closer to Mildred from the bed, treading very lightly.</p><p>Mildred disregarded the apology with the shake of her head. “Don’t apologize.” She simply stated, no hint of emotion apparent behind her words. Gwendolyn realized now, that this wasn’t her Mildred she was talking to. It was the Mildred she became when she felt endangered. Or threatened, somehow. The Mildred she saw at that puppet show, moments before she fled.</p><p>The atmosphere felt heavy around them, like it was somehow intruding on them rather than it being the other way around. And every breath taken, was almost suffocating. Like they were both choking on words they didn’t speak. </p><p>Like a battle in silence. </p><p>But it was always Gwendolyn who took her guard down first, and insisted on Mildred doing the same. It was always her who surrendered to the war that Mildred constantly started inside of herself, one that only Mildred engaged in. But the thing was, her demons seemed to only fight each other, rather than what is supposed to be the enemy. </p><p>And slowly, very slowly, she let her armor fall to the floor. She let her arms unfold from the tight hold around her stomach, ignoring the tiny, but persistent voice inside of her that told her to run, but not toning it out completely. Because now, she realizes, she didn’t have to run away. Now, she had somebody to run to. And run she did, straight into Gwendolyn’s warm, inviting embrace.</p><p>Her face crumpled before she reached her, following a pit of sobs. Gwendolyn was quick to bring her hand to cup the back of Mildred’s head, both of them falling back into the bed in defeat. Her entire body violently shook against Gwen’s with each wail that left her, along with each hushed apology and ‘I love you’. </p><p>She rocked the trembling woman back and forth in her arms, still utterly confused, and in a constant state of worry about whether or not she was doing this right. “Let it all out, my dear. You’re safe here,” Gwendolyn whispers amongst another whine. “You know that? You’re safe, here with me. I’d never let anything bad happen to you.” She wasn’t sure if that’s what it was that Mildred needed to hear, but still she felt the need to tell her to which she earned a sad chuckle. </p><p>“I do know, I do.” Mildred sucks in a breath before continuing. “But I also don’t. B-because you can be taken away from me. At anytime, really. Anytime, Gwendolyn, you...we...” That last part dies off when Gwendolyn shushes her once more, and yet another sob overcomes her, and now she’s clutching at her, forcing their bodies as close as they can possibly be. </p><p>The blonde blinks away a couple tears of her own at the mere suggestion, knowing deep-down that it isn’t Mildred who can control those thoughts. “You’re right,” She whispers, “Anything can happen between today and tomorrow. Right now and a couple minutes. But you know what?” Mildred raises her head to meet Gwendolyn’s easing gaze, and of course she knew just what to say. “It doesn’t matter. As long as we’re here now, and as long as we hold onto every moment together. For as long as I can keep you here with me in my arms, you’ll never be far away from me, and I’ll never be far away from you.” And without another wasted second, Mildred is launching for her lips.</p><p>And for a moment, that single feeling inside of her stomach and chest, vanished. Along with her every worry and fear. It was peace. It was safety. It was everything she lived without for so long, and now that she had it, she couldn’t—no, wouldn’t—let it go. Let her go.</p><p>Gwendolyn hummed as she welcomed her home, completely sighing into her mouth. And then there they were, like they had been a thousand times before, hands tangled in hair and fingers free to trace each other’s bodies. It took them a long time to even get close to being here, and Gwendolyn still remembers their first time like it was yesterday. </p><p>And just like their first time, Mildred had come to her with tears in her eyes and the same anxious expression. She had told her stories of all the men she’d ever been with, and just how dreadful it made sex seem like to her. </p><p>But now, making love wasn’t something that Mildred felt she owed to anybody. Now, it was cries of pleasure opposed to winces of pain. It was soft, and steady hands as they held her throughout her own release. Now, the only roughness known was when Mildred, herself, encouraged it. Whenever she would plead to her lover things like, ‘faster, more, harder’. But even then, there were those loving arms that held her as she came down. Those lips that peppered her skin with praise until they finally found her own.</p><p>She still tastes of Mildred, Gwendolyn thinks. With a hint of something sour, maybe salt. Salty tears. </p><p>Gwendolyn pulls back for a moment, earning a whine of protest from Mildred. The blonde smiles, and pushes a loose strand of her lover’s hair behind her ear. “Neither of us are going anywhere, anytime soon.” </p><p>This time, Mildred believes her. “Okay.”</p><p>Gwen leans down and presses one, last chaste kiss to her lips before leaning her forehead against hers, listening as her breathing finally began to steady and her pounding heart slowed. </p><p>And with the next strike of lightning, Mildred only held her tighter. The undying fear of danger still sat deep within her, of Gwendolyn being ripped away from her; despite everything. That little voice inside her that once told her to run away, now a distant calling that her brain failed to comply. </p><p>Mildred knew there would be days like this. Days where nothing was as simple as the day before. Days when the sun wouldn’t greet them as they rose, and the sky would morph a darker shade of blue. Gray, maybe. What she didn’t know, and what she never would’ve expected in a million years, is that she’d have someone there to weather that storm. With her, instead of against her. And she hoped that with every good day that she brought Gwendolyn, it would make up for the worst. Because as much as she wanted it to be sun rays and stolen, sweet kisses all day, every day, that simply wasn’t possible when it came to loving a woman like her. Because Mildred was a storm within herself, one that would eventually pass once reassurances were spoken and she had another pair of hands to lead her back home.</p><p>And she only hoped that was enough.</p><p>So Gwendolyn tells her it is, as if she can hear every thought occupying her mind. Or maybe because she had said it out loud, although fully unaware. “You’re enough, my darling,” she murmurs against her lips, ghosting above them. “Always.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>aw. we love pain. oh and if you saw any spelling errors, no you didn’t.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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